Peace of God

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:7


I've known this verse for a while.  It's a very common verse that many people know.  It really hasn't been until this journey that God has us on that I have begun to understand it.  


We received a peace from God about moving to Wake Forest to start the church planting process.  But it's the rest of the verse that has really become alive in my life.


surpasses all understanding


I have tried to explain our peace that we feel, but it's like getting married.  You know when you know.  I am so confident of what God is working in us, I don't think I could be talked out of it.  I just know it's right.


guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus


When are we going to sell our house?  Are we going to be able to sell our house?  What if we have to pay rent and a mortgage?  How will we find a job to support all our living expenses?  How will we have health insurance?  Will I ever be able to go shopping again?  


These are the questions that float around in my head.  But I can honestly say they don't stay long.  I feel like the Lord is protecting me from going there.  He is guarding my mind and my heart.  And He is doing it in the name of Jesus.  Because He is constantly reminding me that Jesus is enough...more than enough.  We would be in shambles if we did not lean on Jesus.  But He has been the one that we trust in, and I have to keep reminding myself that.  Every day.


"For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name."  Psalm 33:21

His Grace is Enough

I've read a lot of parenting books.


Books on training the heart.  Books on discipline.  Books on using Scripture in your correction.  Books on practical ideas for every situation.


These books have been good, and they have given me many parenting tools to use each and every day.  They have been a source of encouragement for me in walking in this new territory that I don't feel very experienced in.


But I've realized something.  (from another book!)  I have made some of these things into a new law.  The laws of parenting by Katie Martin.  


I've realized that these methods and philosophies and practical ideas are forming this good parenting in, good children out mentality.  I have come to think that if I do things right with my kids, then they will most likely be good kids.  And have a better chance at becoming a believer.


The problem is I am putting too much of an emphasis on myself and my abilities as a parent.  Can I alone save them? No.  


I have forgotten grace.  The Lord is the one who saves.  The Lord is the one who draws a child to himself.  There is no formula a + b = c.  Being a good parent does not necessarily result in a saved child.  


The reality is despite our best efforts, we can still have a child who chooses to rebell against everything we've ever taught him.  


So I am realizing that while God has placed me in this role as a parent to love our kids and teach them and show them as much as we can about the Lord, it is ultimately the Lord that has to work in their lives.  


And His working in their lives is powerful enough to cover any mistake I make as a parent. Its called grace.  We need it in our every day and we need it in our parenting.  


Do I believe God is good enough?  
Do I believe he is wise enough?  
Do I believe he loves my kids more than I do?
Do I believe he is faithful to finish what he started? (Phil 1:6)


May my too high a view of my ability to parent decrease!
May my too low a view of God's love and trustworthiness increase so much more!


(notes from "Give Them Grace")

Blog Life Crisis

So recently I have found myself so lost and confused and just not motivated when it comes to my blog.  I love reading other blogs but sometimes it just takes so much work for me to do mine.  I know I have family members waiting to see pictures of our kids and hear the latest of what's going on.  But sometimes I'm lazy.  Sometimes I've got nothing.  Sometimes I have no direction and so why bother.  


I've realized recently that keeping a blog is really a priority that I want to keep.  A large part of it is that it is a journal in a sense our our life happenings.  Some sort of record of the things we do as a family, the things the kids accomplish, my journey in this crazy role called "mom", and how our kids are growing and changing.  I try and find things or think up of things to blog about but the reality is I need to just blog about our life.  I know that is the most basic comment ever, but a concept I'm learning.  


And something God has been working in me for a while now is not comparing myself to others.  Some people are really good writers, I am not.  Some people are really creative, I am not.  And I could go on and on.  But God has placed me in a specific role and place for a reason.  I am learning to use my gifts for the place he has me.  And hopefully that will come out on my blog because my hope is that our blog will just be a true reflection of who we really are.


It is easy in the blog world to concentrate on what we are not doing or where we fall short.  The reality is that we can easily fall into the trap of feeling defeated.  We are not as good as ________.  We don't have as many followers or comments as _________.  We aren't as creative as _________.  But that's not the way it has to be.


I am learning to use blogs as a resource to help me get ideas for the areas I need help in.  I'm also beginning to see how they can be such a source of encouragement for me.  They can never replace my time in the Word, but they do help encourage me in my relationship with Christ and as a mom and wife.


Anyway, its good every once in a while to evaluate whether what you are doing is really worth it, and if the impact it is making on your life is beneficial or not.

Faithful

Have you ever had a song that you felt was written to you?  Early this year when we got the new Passion album, I never thought there would be a song that would speak such truth to me over and over and over again.  Months later, this song is still such a sweet thing to me as it has been a reminder of the faithfulness of God.  


Just when I need it most, I feel like it shouts out the truth louder and louder, over and over, till it pierces through my mind until it reaches the heart.  Here's a video with just the words.

Repeat that bridge over and over to yourself and see what that does!  And I love his perfectly placed, "because sometimes we forget".

Constant by Charlie Hall

Just like the sunshine

You have been our light

Leading us into beautiful places

We’ve walked through fire

But You made us brighter

Leading us into beautiful places

Faithful Jesus, healing savior

Compass, center, bread of life

Faithful Jesus, cherished treasure

Our portion, wisdom God’s great light

Just like the starlight

You shine in the black night

Leading us into beautiful places

Just like the atmosphere

You’ve come to surround us here

Leading us into beautiful places

Faithful Jesus, healing savior

Compass, center, bread of life

Faithful Jesus, cherished treasure

Our portion, wisdom God’s great light

God You are here with us

Constantly here with us

You are our everything

Faithful and true

Absorbing the Debt

I'm working my way through Tim Keller's book Counterfeit Gods, and it is really good as anything else by him.  This morning I read this portion on forgiveness and I thought it was so good so I had to share. 


All forgiveness is costly.  


Forgiveness is always costly for the giver.  The recipient receives it freely.


Sometimes I think of forgiveness as "just forgive them".  I kind of take the heart out of it, and I just forgive because I am trying to be obedient.  But the reality is it shouldn't be easy. 


When I say something hurtful to my husband, and he forgive me.  He isn't saying, "Oh that's ok, just don't do it again you little knucklehead!"


He is taking the hit (being my words), absorbing it, and in his heart forgiving me.  That is A LOT for someone who has just been hurt.  


Me, on the other hand, I did nothing but be the creator and messenger of those words.  And yet, the forgiveness is given to me anyway.


Keller says, 

No one who is seriously wronged can "just forgive" the perpetrator.  If you have been robbed of money, opportunity, or happiness, you can either make the wrongdoer pay it back or you can forgive.  But when you forgive, that means you absorb the loss and the debt.  You bear it yourself.

So transfer that to us and God.  We all have done wrong to him, and so much worse than hurtful words.  From the day we were born, we were enemies of God.  


But He took all our sin, to the cross and absorbed the loss.  It was tremendously costly for Him, and we receive forgiveness freely!  Though we did not deserve it, we received it.


All forgiveness is costly.

A Word from Hosea

In my Bible Study right now we are reading Hosea, which I've never really studied before.  I've known the simple version that God told a man, Hosea, to marry a prostitute and to love her.  One of my favorite books is Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers and she does a great job of telling this story.  Because the real picture is God taking for himself a people who are completely and unashamedly "cheating on him".  They are blatantly unfaithful to Him and are serving other gods.  The thing that gets me is that they still offered up sacrifices to Him, basically spitting in His face.  

"We don't really like you and we don't really think you are worth serving, but we are going to be somewhat 'obedient' and offer up sacrifices because that is what you tell us to do in your law." 

Isn't that what we do?  We claim to be 'Christians', but in truth we know we aren't faithful to Him.  We don't really want Him.  What do we want?  Why bother?  Do we want acceptance?  Do we want to be called good?  Do we want to do the right thing?  Is it just what we've always done?

The most crushing part is when God says, "I, even I, will tear and go away; I will carry off, and no one shall rescue".  This is talking about the judgment Israel will receive because of their unfaithfulness.  The part that hit me was that the Rescuer won't even rescue.  What an awful place to be!  God gave them SO MANY CHANCES, and they didn't turn back to him. But He still LOVES them!

Today I read this and it just encouraged me!  Hosea 10:12 says, "Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the LORD, that he many come and rain righteousness upon you."  I love anytime it talks about raining or pouring upon me I love it!  The fact that I, me, Katie, do not deserve any part of righteousness, since I along with the rest of the human race, was separated from God because of our wretched stink called sin.   And the fact that He would send me a Savior to rescue me out of a life destined for eternal death and instead bestow upon me not just getting to be in heaven, but he would place the righteousness of Christ upon me!  What?!  

So why, I ask you, would I wander back and try and offer him a half heart? 

Why would I think that pleases Him?

Why would I think I can do the least bit to get by and it somehow be a sweet aroma to Him?

Instead this morning, it is time to seek the Lord, yes because He loves me still, but also because He rescued me and is WORTH it!

What's New

This time of year is actually kind of slow for us, well, I guess as slow as slow can be for people involved in ministry!  So we have been enjoying some extra family time and getting some things done that we usually don't have time for!

I am really trying to flesh out my theme for this year - SIMPLE!  When I started doing resolutions for the new year I kept coming back to the same thing, I needed to simplify things.  There are SO many great and worthy things that I can latch on to, but I have realized that it makes me a crazy person.   So I've been fine tuning my "simple" plan for all things homemaking, mothering, etc.


Micah is getting ready for his t-ball season and is preparing by playing catch with Daddy.  Ed is completely amazed that he is actually playing catch with his son!  Micah is very gifted when it comes to baseball so it will be interesting how that plays out on the field.  Here's some pics from throwing the other day...

Ed loves his form...he keeps telling me to look at it!  I'm not sure if I know what I'm looking for!

Caleb (and Micah) just got haircuts.  Micah has had a buzz before, but this is Caleb's first and we think its a keeper.  He looks so ADORABLE!  I could just eat him up!  He actually let me take pictures of him the other day before "Bible Dudy (study)".  He is really thriving on one on one time and plays so well with both his brother and sister.  But he does best when he plays with one person.  That's when you really see his personality come out!

Haleigh just keeps growing and changing!  Its too fast!  I LOVE the stage she is in though.  She picks up more and more words like "get down", "more", "baby", and "ni-night".  She loves to laugh, and yell, and yes even wrestle!  She will hold her own against the boys, but is also a very sensitive girl.  She cries every time you tell her no and is frightened of every person who walks in our door because she thinks they are taking her!  We have recently added the pigtails to her hairstyles and I think its SO CUTE! 

Books of 2010

In 2010, one of my goals was to read more.  With two kids in the last two years, reading kinda got cut out!  Other than my morning Bible time and "Barnyard Dance", it just wasn't a priority.  But I realized I needed it, and so I made it a goal.  I didn't even pick a number of books to read, I just decided I would always be working through a book.  And it was amazing how they challenged me in my walk with the Lord, how some of them even carried a similar theme that I think God was teaching me, and other were practically helpful in my daily life. 

Here's the list of books I read and definitely recommend them to you if you have not come across them yet!

The Prodigal God - A fresh, biblical perspective on the story of The Prodigal Son that will leave you challenged.  It offers a challenge to both the "younger brother" and the "elder brother" no matter which category you fall under.  His basic premise is that both are consumed with self and in need of a "true elder brother" to rescue them at his own expense.  The neat thing about this book is that it hits all people no matter where they are in their spiritual life.

Crazy Love - If you somehow missed this one, read it!  This book set the tone for me in 2010.   A scripture-filled reminder of God's Great Love for us and how that should radically change who we are every day and how it should impact those around us!


Dancing with My Father - I read this with my small group and it seemed to carry a similar message of Crazy Love.  It was about living life full of joy and how to find that joy in life.  Her basic message that I kept getting was that joy is a choice.  Our God has given us every reason to be joyful and has even commanded us to be full of joy.  No matter life's circumstances, with Christ, there is always a reason to be joyful, the choice is ours!


Don't Make Me Count to Three - I LOVE LOVE LOVE this book!  It is one of the best parenting books out there!  It is the same parenting thought as "Shepherding a Child's Heart", but full of practical ideas of how to train the heart.  She teaches you how to reach the heart of the child, how to give biblical reproof, and the proper use of the rod.  Seriously, she aligns with the best parenting books out there, but I have gotten the most practical stuff from her!  It is a book I refer back to often! 


Radical - Yep!  I could not have gone the whole year and not read one of the best books of the year!  Yes, I'm a little biased because Ed and I have listened to this guys sermons for several years now, and love his teaching.  This was the last book I read and truthfully, I don't think all the content has really sunk in.  It's one of those books that's so challenging you almost need to take it in small bits and spend time really reflecting on it.  A must read!


So there it is!  Now I need to make my list for this year!  Any recommendations for 2011?  

Preparing my Heart for Christmas

As I spend some time reading this morning, I found God bringing some thoughts to mind that I thought had kind of  well disappeared.  And so now, the result, I'm finding myself heading into the Christmas weekend with mixed feelings.  Funny how God would want me to be half elated, half depressed on his birthday!  Anyway, my journey began a couple of months ago when I read Radical.  Insert - ugh!  I know, everyone that has read it has probably felt the same.  I guess that is a whole other post on that book.  Then yesterday, I read a post from a new blog I'm reading, and it left me, well, haunted.

You see, I don't consider myself to have lots because our lifestyle just doesn't allow for it.  Sure I would love to have a flat screen tv, cable, my own personal laptop, a bigger house so we aren't always in each other's space, but the reality is that is just not ever going to be us.  And so the Lord has been teaching me for a while how much I really have in comparison to the world.  I've never thought of myself as filthy rich, have you?  

Picture with me - Christmas morning...We will get up, get out of our super comfortable plush mattress, slip on some cozy slippers, walk downstairs, in a heated home, to our way too expensive coffee maker to get some hot coffee.  Then Ed and I will sit on our huge couches and turn on some Christmas music on our computers, and read out of our Bibles that aren't even allowed in so many countries.  We will enjoy peace and quiet while our three healthy children sleep in their individual beds.  Does it get you like it gets me?  And I haven't even started the actual opening of gifts and the feast we will enjoy.  

So after thinking through all this...do I really need anything else?  I am about to receive amazing things this weekend, things I don't need.  I am grateful for them, but I pray these things don't make me want more!  I am so desperate for the Lord to fill my heart with thankfulness and a real understanding of what I actually do need and what it extra.  Are extras bad?  Not all the time.  But honestly, I am beginning to feel like the extras are closing in on me.  

I loved this post from my friend Jen on how they taught their kids the difference between wants and needs.  A perfect lesson before this barrage of gifts they will receive this weekend!

So what do we do with this weekend?  Do we become a cynic and grunt after every gift is open?  Does it give us a new spirit as we open these things that we don't need but are just that - a gift - a blessing - something we can be tremendously grateful for because we know that more than half the world does not have it.  Honestly I don't know!  This is a new journey for me, one that will carry over into next year.  I pray this Christmas, the Lord will make me thankful and grateful for the things I take for granted and for the new things I receive.  

Stale

That is the word that comes to mind when I think about my life right now. I know the amazing blessings that I have right before me everyday, and yet somehow, someway in the deepest parts of my soul, things are just, well, stale. Where's the joy? Where's the excitement?

Isn't it funny how (at least for me!) you come to the point where things are not right? You've identified at least that, but then you don't really know why or where to go from here. That's how I felt last night. Frustrated, not knowing what to do with my new realizations that things are not right.

So this morning I continued reading in our small group book and it hit me. (Don't you just love that?) I've been looking for the joy in my circumstances. I know joy doesn't come from the circumstances, but I was looking for God to give me joy in those circumstances. Because after all, I do know that joy comes from the Lord.

I just wanted to Lord to revive my heart and to help me experience the joy that I know I should feel when I'm taking care of the kids, cleaning, cooking, doing ministry things, etc. But I was missing one MAJOR piece. And you know what, it is SO simple and yet SO complex!

I realized that I have gotten really good at this thing we call the "Christian life". You know, I discipline the heart of the child not the behavior, I read God's Word, I do Beth Moore studies, I love my husband, I serve serve serve, I even teach some, etc etc etc. But I also realized it has almost become routine, it's just what I do. And so I read in this book, "I realized that duty, forced obedience, and works never satisfied my soul."

All those good things can never satisfy my soul. They can never bring me a lasting joy. And then I read this, "When a maiden is in love with her dance partner, she is delighted in the dance, totally engaging her heart with her beloved partner. She looks into his eyes, seeing his admirable qualities, living in the deep joy of the moment of being held in her lover's arms."

I was missing Him! I am so caught up in living for Him, that I forget why! IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM! My heart had become stale because I forgot what it was like to be in love with Him. He is the reason I should want to do any of these good things. Pleasure and joy is only found in His presence. And that is exactly what I wanted.

My book said, "Clearly joy is an issue of the heart. Joy is not found in performing for people or in doing all the right things for God. Nor is joy in the absence of difficulties or problems. Joy is found in the presence of God in the midst of all circumstances, in delighting in the life he has given."

And so I leave you with this...

"You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
Psalm 16:11

Always?

One of my goals this year is to read more. I enjoy reading most of the time, but it has just become one of those things that has gotten pushed aside in the midst of life. But in addition to spending time in the Word, there is much wisdom in so many books that are out there...and a lot of books that shouldn't even be in print! I am currently reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan.


Let's just say it is really good. Its funny, I actually started reading it last summer. And you know those times you pick up a book to read and its just not the right time. You can't get into it. Well that was me. I read the first three chapters and just wasn't feeling it. Then I decided to pick it back up and I've been flying through it. It's the right time!

One of the things I was challenged with I want to share with you. Recently, I've been reminded of the verse "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (Phil 4:4) In my day to day life at home with the kids, constantly cleaning, cooking, etc, it is really easy for me to get bogged down, stressed out, and almost have a pity party. I get overwhelmed and feel like I just can't do it all. I get in a rut where I don't enjoy the very thing I've wanted to do all my life. How selfish of me! So then I read this in the book...

When I am consumed by my problems - stressed out about my life, my family, and my job-I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.

Worry implies that we don't quite trust God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.

Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.

Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional.

So by the grace of God, may I rejoice more in the midst of all of my circumstances whether I see them as "good" or "bad". And if you need a book to read, I highly recommend this one!