Stale

That is the word that comes to mind when I think about my life right now. I know the amazing blessings that I have right before me everyday, and yet somehow, someway in the deepest parts of my soul, things are just, well, stale. Where's the joy? Where's the excitement?

Isn't it funny how (at least for me!) you come to the point where things are not right? You've identified at least that, but then you don't really know why or where to go from here. That's how I felt last night. Frustrated, not knowing what to do with my new realizations that things are not right.

So this morning I continued reading in our small group book and it hit me. (Don't you just love that?) I've been looking for the joy in my circumstances. I know joy doesn't come from the circumstances, but I was looking for God to give me joy in those circumstances. Because after all, I do know that joy comes from the Lord.

I just wanted to Lord to revive my heart and to help me experience the joy that I know I should feel when I'm taking care of the kids, cleaning, cooking, doing ministry things, etc. But I was missing one MAJOR piece. And you know what, it is SO simple and yet SO complex!

I realized that I have gotten really good at this thing we call the "Christian life". You know, I discipline the heart of the child not the behavior, I read God's Word, I do Beth Moore studies, I love my husband, I serve serve serve, I even teach some, etc etc etc. But I also realized it has almost become routine, it's just what I do. And so I read in this book, "I realized that duty, forced obedience, and works never satisfied my soul."

All those good things can never satisfy my soul. They can never bring me a lasting joy. And then I read this, "When a maiden is in love with her dance partner, she is delighted in the dance, totally engaging her heart with her beloved partner. She looks into his eyes, seeing his admirable qualities, living in the deep joy of the moment of being held in her lover's arms."

I was missing Him! I am so caught up in living for Him, that I forget why! IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM! My heart had become stale because I forgot what it was like to be in love with Him. He is the reason I should want to do any of these good things. Pleasure and joy is only found in His presence. And that is exactly what I wanted.

My book said, "Clearly joy is an issue of the heart. Joy is not found in performing for people or in doing all the right things for God. Nor is joy in the absence of difficulties or problems. Joy is found in the presence of God in the midst of all circumstances, in delighting in the life he has given."

And so I leave you with this...

"You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
Psalm 16:11