Perspective

"The LORD my God lightens my darkness"

Psalm 18:28

It's been really hard for me to write recently, I guess mostly because I don't really know what to say.  I don't know how to answer the "How are you doing?" question.  Some days are good, some days are ok, and some days are bad.  It has been one month since we met and said goodbye to Molly.  In some ways it seems like an eternity.  It seems so long ago that I was pregnant.  I guess we've just been in this fog.  

I've realized something new this week though that I wanted to share with you.  A couple of different things I read pointed to the magnitude of the Lord.  Putting your pain in perspective with God.  If I don't do that, my grief and pain will grow and become bigger in perspective to anything else.  And then it becomes this massive pain that can't be topped.  So what happens is everything is seen through the filter of this pain.  Then enters in anxiety, depression, lack of motivation, and apathy.  All of these things are very normal to experience when you go through a loss, and you are not a crazy person to feel these things as you grieve.  However, if not careful, these things can consume you.  

If I put my grief and pain in perspective with God and who He is, then all things are seen through Him.  The Lord becomes the filter through which I see everything.  So my pain is seen through Him.  This puts things in the right perspective.  What I am finding is that now what enters is encouragement, motivation, joy, and faith.  Here's how this played out this morning...

This morning I read Psalm 18 which is a psalm of David that he wrote on the day when the Lord rescued him from his enemies and Saul.  So he had trouble pursuing him, and the Lord rescued him from that.  His trouble was different from the "trouble" I am experiencing now, but the truths still apply.  I started making notes on everything this psalm says about God.  Here are the highlights:

He is my rock

He is my fortress

He is my deliverer

He is my God

He is my rock (again in case I didn't get it the first time!)

He is my refuge

He is my shield

He is my salvation

He is my stronghold

He is worthy to be praised

His ways are perfect

His word is true

He lightens darkness

He is a shield for me

He equips me with strength

He is steadfast

He loves me

He is faithful to carry things to completion

When I read this, it reminds me that I am in His hands.  He has a plan for me, and that includes Sam and Molly.  He loves me and He will carry all things out to completion and ultimately, it is for my good.  He has promised to be near me.  All my troubles or trials are in His careful control.  All of your troubles or trials are in His control.  He will heal my heart with Himself.  It is the only way it will happen.  I will always miss Sam and Molly.  There will always be pain associated with the memory of them.  But I am so thankful it doesn't end there.   I can rest that they have been made perfect and are in heaven with Jesus.  They are being taken care of better than I could ever do.  And we will get to meet them one day when we too are made perfect in heaven.  This is the hope that I have.  This is the filter through which I am looking at our pain and grief.  This is the promise of God that puts all things into perspective.  If I didn't have God, oh, where would I be?!  Today I am so thankful for my God who has graciously and mercifully given me all these things!

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble,

you will revive me"

Psalm 138:7a