Coping

It's been a while since I last posted.  We have been busy with our oldest son's baseball tournaments.  He is on an all-star team and has played in a few tournaments to get ready for the state tournament.  Honestly it has been nice to go to the tournaments and get lost in baseball for a time.

We also were busy preparing to go away on vacation for a week, so we were playing catch up with work, bills, etc.  When you have something that stops your world, the hard thing is the world doesn't stop.  It keeps going.  Life is just moving on without us, and sometimes it is just so hard to keep up.

With all the busyness and stress and grief, I found myself struggling with anxiety.  I have never struggled with it to this degree before.  Honestly, it scares me because I am a control freak.  I like to have things fit nice and neatly in my box.  And anxiety doesn't fit in that box.  But I am learning that there really isn't a box anymore.  God is and has been in the process of demolishing my little box.  In some ways its freeing, and in others its frightening.

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you,

because he trusts in you.

Trust in the LORD forever, 

for the LORD God is an everlasting rock."  

Isaiah 26:3-4

Each day is a part of the process.  Each day is new.  Some days are better than others.  I'm trying to rest in His grace.  His Word is the balm I need on my wounds.  But I will be honest, it doesn't always soothe the wound.  However, I believe it is truth and just what I need.  So I am committing to reading and praying the Word whether I feel like it or not.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, 

for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."  

Matthew 11:28-30

"You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high, I cannot attain it."  

Psalm 139:5-6